Don't you just love it when you have those lightbulb moments? Just recently I had one about myself, my life, and my relationships. While these past few months have brought me a lot of happiness and good times in my relationship with Jake, I couldn't escape this feeling that something was a little off about myself. As I was reflecting back on this past year, I was trying to pinpoint what exactly it was and I finally figured it out. When I'm in a relationship I think of myself as a very giving person and I put a lot of effort and thought into that other person's happiness and wellbeing. While I don't think there's anything wrong with this, I do find it wrong that I let it almost be all consuming. I realized that I have been putting less time and effort into myself. That has been a big flaw for me in my past relationships. I give and give to the other person until there is nothing to give to myself. I've realized that there must be a balance and I need to find a way to achieve this balance. While it's important for me to cultivate a healthy relationship with my partner, I must also continue to cultivate one with myself. And even though I have found an amazing man who treats me right and is so good to me, I need to continue to be good to me. I need to continue to find things that I enjoy doing, that challenge and excite me and make me grow as a person. This was a HUGE discovery for me and it will help me continue down my path of self love. You guys! I am so excited about this!
So I've made a new resolve to put some focus back on me and finally, FINALLY, I don't feel selfish or guilty for feeling this way. I am lucky that I have a man who will support me and show understanding in this, that he won't feel threatened of my need to spend time for myself or my desire to nourish relationships with others in my life.
Isn't life amazing!? Isn't it so cool that we make mistakes but yet we can learn from them and change our decisions and choices to make our life better? Isn't it so amazing that we are in control of our happiness and that we can improve on ourselves everyday? Indeed it is! Just when I thought I had things all figured out, I turn a corner only to find more. And I say, keep the turns coming.
Friday, February 17, 2017
Thursday, December 22, 2016
Cliches and Fate
You know that cliché, you find something when you're not looking for it? Well, that sure has happened to me. I found Jake, or he found me...or we found each other. I'm not quite sure. Haha!
It started over a year ago when we met on Plenty of Fish. He had asked me out on a date and we had a pretty good time. I could tell he was very shy and reserved and wasn't my typical type but I had no doubt that he was a good guy and I wanted to get to know him more. We hung out here and there when both of our schedules permitted it. He had a crazy work schedule and we both had kids so it made seeing each other difficult. There was just something about him that hooked me in. I was very intrigued by him and I was always left with the feeling of wanting to know him more. But then I was also seeing Matt and he checked more things off of my "list" and when he wanted to start dating exclusively I told Jake what was going on and that I wouldn't be able to see him anymore. He said that if things didn't work out with Matt then to let him know. After my ghosting fiascos and swearing off men, I didn't end up contacting him.
It was in the month of March that I just happened to run into him at Smiths. I was so happy to see him! We chatted for a little bit and I learned that he was about to start a new job. About a month after our run in I text him and asked him how the job was going. And in May he text me and finally asked me if I was still with "that guy". It was good timing that he text that day because my kids were with their dad and I had a whole evening wide open. We ended up going to dinner and had a good night of catching up. I told him where I was at with dating and that I didn't want to get serious. He was okay with that and said he understood and that he enjoys my company and would still like to see me when he could no matter what. Again, seeing each other was a challenge because I hadn't met his kids and he hadn't met mine so finding a time when we were both free was quite the problem. I made the decision that I wanted him to meet my kids. I knew I could trust him and I also knew that despite what happened, whether we started dating exclusively or not, he would be in my life.
So with that challenge out of the way we were able to see each other a lot more frequently. During this time I also kept my walls up because he really was my opposite and I had some reservations of starting an exclusive relationship with him. There were some hard challenges that life presented and we were there for each other during those times. Our bond and relationship only got stronger. I felt completely comfortable around him. I could be 100% myself without fear of judgement or criticism and I could be completely honest and open with him. I had never felt that way in a relationship before. It felt amazing that he liked me for everything that I was and everything that I wasn't. I also realized that things felt different because I was already so happy in my life before him. I was happy with who I was and with myself. He just added upon my happiness...and he added a lot of it. We decided to make thing exclusive and we were both happy and very excited about it.
We're going on strong for five months now and things are great! We're taking things slow (which is a new but good thing for me) and not stressing too much on what the future will be like but we're focused on our relationship now and making it better day by day. He is so good, kind, thoughtful, handsome, funny, humble, great with my kids...I could go on but I'll spare you ;) Let's just say that he's everything I didn't know that I wanted or needed. I am so happy that all those months ago fate stepped in at the grocery store.
It started over a year ago when we met on Plenty of Fish. He had asked me out on a date and we had a pretty good time. I could tell he was very shy and reserved and wasn't my typical type but I had no doubt that he was a good guy and I wanted to get to know him more. We hung out here and there when both of our schedules permitted it. He had a crazy work schedule and we both had kids so it made seeing each other difficult. There was just something about him that hooked me in. I was very intrigued by him and I was always left with the feeling of wanting to know him more. But then I was also seeing Matt and he checked more things off of my "list" and when he wanted to start dating exclusively I told Jake what was going on and that I wouldn't be able to see him anymore. He said that if things didn't work out with Matt then to let him know. After my ghosting fiascos and swearing off men, I didn't end up contacting him.
It was in the month of March that I just happened to run into him at Smiths. I was so happy to see him! We chatted for a little bit and I learned that he was about to start a new job. About a month after our run in I text him and asked him how the job was going. And in May he text me and finally asked me if I was still with "that guy". It was good timing that he text that day because my kids were with their dad and I had a whole evening wide open. We ended up going to dinner and had a good night of catching up. I told him where I was at with dating and that I didn't want to get serious. He was okay with that and said he understood and that he enjoys my company and would still like to see me when he could no matter what. Again, seeing each other was a challenge because I hadn't met his kids and he hadn't met mine so finding a time when we were both free was quite the problem. I made the decision that I wanted him to meet my kids. I knew I could trust him and I also knew that despite what happened, whether we started dating exclusively or not, he would be in my life.
So with that challenge out of the way we were able to see each other a lot more frequently. During this time I also kept my walls up because he really was my opposite and I had some reservations of starting an exclusive relationship with him. There were some hard challenges that life presented and we were there for each other during those times. Our bond and relationship only got stronger. I felt completely comfortable around him. I could be 100% myself without fear of judgement or criticism and I could be completely honest and open with him. I had never felt that way in a relationship before. It felt amazing that he liked me for everything that I was and everything that I wasn't. I also realized that things felt different because I was already so happy in my life before him. I was happy with who I was and with myself. He just added upon my happiness...and he added a lot of it. We decided to make thing exclusive and we were both happy and very excited about it.
We're going on strong for five months now and things are great! We're taking things slow (which is a new but good thing for me) and not stressing too much on what the future will be like but we're focused on our relationship now and making it better day by day. He is so good, kind, thoughtful, handsome, funny, humble, great with my kids...I could go on but I'll spare you ;) Let's just say that he's everything I didn't know that I wanted or needed. I am so happy that all those months ago fate stepped in at the grocery store.
Monday, May 2, 2016
Bittersweet Goodbye
A little while after discovering my developing feelings for Wesley we stopped seeing each other as much. Not because we didn't want to see each other but just because we were both dating other people and our schedules didn't always match up. About the same time that I got serious with Matt he got back together with his on-again-off-again girlfriend. We continued to talk once in a while but no longer hung out.
It's funny because we both got together with someone at the same time and then we both broke up with those people at the same time. After months of not seeing each other I was so happy and excited when I finally saw him again. I had missed him...a lot. We kind of just picked things up where we left off. We tried to keep it casual but it was increasingly getting harder for me to spend time with him knowing that it was never going to be anything more. And then one day I just had enough.
I was trying to make plans with him one weekend and he was busy. It had been awhile since we had seen each other and I was feeling bummed because he wasn't available. He could tell my mood wasn't the greatest and he was trying to smooth things over and he said something like, "Sorry I can't hang out but you are definitely a good time,". I immediately thought, but I don't want to be just a good time anymore. I want to be something more than a good time for someone. Our relationship hadn't changed but I did. I no longer wanted to just have fun and keep things casual. I wanted an actual relationship with someone, and I knew he wasn't going to give that to me. I knew that I couldn't see him anymore. And this made me sad, very sad. Wesley had become a good friend to me and someone I had a fun, easy time with but I deserved more.
We made plans to see each other one more time before calling it quits. I still wanted to talk to him and keep in touch and know what was going on in his life and vice versa but no longer would we be seeing each other. He didn't quite believe it and take me serious, that I really wasn't going to be coming around anymore. He thought that eventually I would. After our goodbye he would occasionally try to entice me to come and see him. Send me flirtatious texts and cute pictures of him but I stood my ground! And so did he! I found out he reeeaally likes it when a girl plays hard to get. Haha! The more I shut him down, the more he tried.
I will have to admit that he did end up wearing me down. One day he asked me to come see him Sunday morning and then go to church with him to the mid-singles ward. He had a rough time in the dating field that week and had turned to me for support. And he doesn't go to church that often so I thought that it would be my good deed to help him go by me going with him. Oh, the justifications...gotta love it. I thought, "I can just be friends with him. It'll be fine,". It was soooo good to see him but I wasn't going to admit that to him. Haha! After church he text me and told me how nice it was to see me and spend time with me and that he wanted to go to church with me again. I wanted to too, I really did..
So this past Sunday we kind of repeated what we did the previous time. He worked the night shift and got home really early that morning. I went over a couple hours after he got home and woke him up and we talked and cuddled. After he fell back to sleep and I was staring at his handsome, peaceful face I knew. I knew again what I had known before. We can't just be friends. It's not going to work. I wanted so badly for it to work. I miss Wesley when I don't see him and I didn't want to stop seeing him. But yet I still knew that it wasn't the best thing for us. I fell asleep on the couch and when I woke up he was next to me and the first thing he said was, "I don't think I can have you over anymore. It's just not going to work,". Normally something like that would have hurt me but where I came to the same conclusion only a little time before, I understood. I told him that I had been having the same thoughts.
I made us french toast with fresh berries for breakfast. Normally, he's the one who did the cooking so it was nice to repay him and cook for him this time. We went to church and that was it. We said goodbye and went our separate ways. He text me on my way home and thanked me for breakfast and told me I was a sweet girl and knew I'd find a great guy. I also may have shed a tear or two on my way home. We still care about each other and want to keep in touch and see where the other ends up in life and if we both continue to go to the mid-singles ward then we'll cross paths there too. So it's not goodbye forever but at the same time that's exactly how it feels.
It's funny because we both got together with someone at the same time and then we both broke up with those people at the same time. After months of not seeing each other I was so happy and excited when I finally saw him again. I had missed him...a lot. We kind of just picked things up where we left off. We tried to keep it casual but it was increasingly getting harder for me to spend time with him knowing that it was never going to be anything more. And then one day I just had enough.
I was trying to make plans with him one weekend and he was busy. It had been awhile since we had seen each other and I was feeling bummed because he wasn't available. He could tell my mood wasn't the greatest and he was trying to smooth things over and he said something like, "Sorry I can't hang out but you are definitely a good time,". I immediately thought, but I don't want to be just a good time anymore. I want to be something more than a good time for someone. Our relationship hadn't changed but I did. I no longer wanted to just have fun and keep things casual. I wanted an actual relationship with someone, and I knew he wasn't going to give that to me. I knew that I couldn't see him anymore. And this made me sad, very sad. Wesley had become a good friend to me and someone I had a fun, easy time with but I deserved more.
We made plans to see each other one more time before calling it quits. I still wanted to talk to him and keep in touch and know what was going on in his life and vice versa but no longer would we be seeing each other. He didn't quite believe it and take me serious, that I really wasn't going to be coming around anymore. He thought that eventually I would. After our goodbye he would occasionally try to entice me to come and see him. Send me flirtatious texts and cute pictures of him but I stood my ground! And so did he! I found out he reeeaally likes it when a girl plays hard to get. Haha! The more I shut him down, the more he tried.
I will have to admit that he did end up wearing me down. One day he asked me to come see him Sunday morning and then go to church with him to the mid-singles ward. He had a rough time in the dating field that week and had turned to me for support. And he doesn't go to church that often so I thought that it would be my good deed to help him go by me going with him. Oh, the justifications...gotta love it. I thought, "I can just be friends with him. It'll be fine,". It was soooo good to see him but I wasn't going to admit that to him. Haha! After church he text me and told me how nice it was to see me and spend time with me and that he wanted to go to church with me again. I wanted to too, I really did..
So this past Sunday we kind of repeated what we did the previous time. He worked the night shift and got home really early that morning. I went over a couple hours after he got home and woke him up and we talked and cuddled. After he fell back to sleep and I was staring at his handsome, peaceful face I knew. I knew again what I had known before. We can't just be friends. It's not going to work. I wanted so badly for it to work. I miss Wesley when I don't see him and I didn't want to stop seeing him. But yet I still knew that it wasn't the best thing for us. I fell asleep on the couch and when I woke up he was next to me and the first thing he said was, "I don't think I can have you over anymore. It's just not going to work,". Normally something like that would have hurt me but where I came to the same conclusion only a little time before, I understood. I told him that I had been having the same thoughts.
I made us french toast with fresh berries for breakfast. Normally, he's the one who did the cooking so it was nice to repay him and cook for him this time. We went to church and that was it. We said goodbye and went our separate ways. He text me on my way home and thanked me for breakfast and told me I was a sweet girl and knew I'd find a great guy. I also may have shed a tear or two on my way home. We still care about each other and want to keep in touch and see where the other ends up in life and if we both continue to go to the mid-singles ward then we'll cross paths there too. So it's not goodbye forever but at the same time that's exactly how it feels.
Sunday, May 1, 2016
I Want a Girl Like You...But Not You
So pretty much the day after our date Wesley and I already had plans to meet up again. We continued to see each other pretty consistently after that. Just hanging out, dinner, movie nights, shopping, things like that. I was trying really hard to keep a wall up and not get too attached or grow any feelings for him. After all, we were just having fun and keeping things light. Despite all my attempts I woke up one morning after a night of hanging out with him and I looked in the mirror and noticed the goofiest grin on my face. Oh, crap!! How did that happen?! How did I fall for for him?! Maybe it's because he's sweet, considerate, fun, adventurous, smart, and attractive. Just maybe...
After assessing my feelings I was even more determined not to get caught up in things and eventually get hurt. One night we were talking about the type of people we want to eventually end up with and our conversation ended with him saying, "If only I could find a girl like you!" and I said, "If only I could find a guy like YOU!" Wait....what just happened there? Did we both just say that? Then why couldn't it possibly work out for the two of us? I knew there were things that he liked about me but I also knew there were some deal breakers so I brought it up. I was like, "So if I was more fit and I didn't have kids we would basically be together?" And he basically said yes. Well, there you have it then. I could change the fitness part, but then I'd always be paranoid and stressed about gaining weight but I definitely couldn't change the fact that I had kids, nor would I want to. Wesley is very active and likes a very active lifestyle and is looking for someone to share that with. We're talking about running marathons people, so I knew that I couldn't keep up with that and he also has the desire to start a family with someone and have kids of his own. I'm no longer able to get pregnant so I guess that's two big strikes against me. This. Totally. Sucks.
Saturday, April 30, 2016
Dating Friends
Not every Tinder and POF encounter has been disastrous. I actually have made a few friends. But I have been unsure how to write this next post. For one, the story is still ongoing and I don't know where it's headed and second, the guy involved is the brother of one of my friends. I'll refer to him as "Wesley Johnson" because my friend, his sister, still doesn't know about us.
I met Wesley on POF almost exactly a year ago. I was browsing on the site and I came across his picture and I recognized him. I clicked on his profile and looked at the rest of his pictures and knew that he was my friend's brother. I messaged him asking if he was a Johnson. He replied skeptically, like wondering how I knew that. I explained that I was friends with his sister and he asked what my full name was. I told him and then he promptly replied that he didn't know who I was. Haha. I didn't expect him to so my feelings weren't hurt. We messaged back and forth a little bit with the standard get-to-know-you questions and then soon after I started a relationship with someone else and so we lost touch. After that relationship ended I went on Tinder again and came across Wesley's profile and I swiped right and we matched!
We picked up where we left off but this time with more serious intentions of actually getting together. I asked him what kind of girl he was looking for (we met on a dating app so obviously he's looking for something). He told me and I knew right away I wasn't the girl for him. I didn't exactly match his criteria. I was straightforward with him and told him that I wasn't a good match for what he was looking for, taking the chance that goodbye would be soon to follow. But he then said that he's sure we had some things in common and was still interested in going out even if nothing more than just friends. I wasn't looking for anything serious at the time and neither was he so this was perfect.
I met Wesley on POF almost exactly a year ago. I was browsing on the site and I came across his picture and I recognized him. I clicked on his profile and looked at the rest of his pictures and knew that he was my friend's brother. I messaged him asking if he was a Johnson. He replied skeptically, like wondering how I knew that. I explained that I was friends with his sister and he asked what my full name was. I told him and then he promptly replied that he didn't know who I was. Haha. I didn't expect him to so my feelings weren't hurt. We messaged back and forth a little bit with the standard get-to-know-you questions and then soon after I started a relationship with someone else and so we lost touch. After that relationship ended I went on Tinder again and came across Wesley's profile and I swiped right and we matched!
We picked up where we left off but this time with more serious intentions of actually getting together. I asked him what kind of girl he was looking for (we met on a dating app so obviously he's looking for something). He told me and I knew right away I wasn't the girl for him. I didn't exactly match his criteria. I was straightforward with him and told him that I wasn't a good match for what he was looking for, taking the chance that goodbye would be soon to follow. But he then said that he's sure we had some things in common and was still interested in going out even if nothing more than just friends. I wasn't looking for anything serious at the time and neither was he so this was perfect.
We finally set up a "date" and went and got sushi. I had never had it before but always wanted to try it. To my surprise (because I don't like fish) I ended up loving it! We were going to go to a movie too but there wasn't anything that either of us wanted to see so we went back to his place and picked one to watch from his extensive collection. It was a pretty fun night. We were really comfortable and relaxed with one another. We talked and laughed a lot. Things were easy between us and we just knew that it wasn't going to be the one and only time we saw each other.
Sunday, April 24, 2016
Seasons
After my disastrous relationship and break up with Matt I decided I had had enough. No more dating! I recognized that it was starting to become a distraction in my life and taking attention away from things, including my kids. I decided to just to focus on the relationships with myself, my family, and my friends. And no more drama! I deleted all my accounts on the dating apps and it was a great decision. Now let me clarify, if some guy should happen to cross my path and ask me out on a date I would probably say yes but no longer would I go out searching. Living in Brigham though means I really would not be dating.
About a week into my no dating life I get a text out of the blue from a guy I met on Tinder. We actually had set up to go on a date a few months before and the day of he didn't text me until 10 pm that night. Because of that I just assumed he was after one thing and so I didn't respond and he never text me again. I told him what I was feeling and why I didn't text him back that night and he said that he wasn't about that and he really did want to go out and get to know me. Like a sucker I fell for it. Long story short we went out a couple of times, he kept telling me how interested he was in me and how he wanted to be exclusive. And then it happened...again. He ghosted me too! It started out with him just cancelling plans on me and then finally I told him I was fed up with his actions and that I was done. Never heard back from him. I have officially lost faith in the population of single men. There are many things that I don't understand about this new phenomenon of ghosting and if someone does then please enlighten me!
I think it's obvious that my resolve to not date was renewed. This incident happened over a month ago and so far, so good. This is the longest I have not dated since I started dating a year ago and it's been soooo nice! Do I get lonely sometimes? Sure I do but I love doing whatever the heck I want on the days that I don't have my kids. I love that I'm not distracted while cooking dinner, getting my kids to bed, or anything else because I'm texting some guy. I can focus all my attention on the things that deserve it. I'm learning to love and appreciate this season of my life. Would I be willing to meet someone special and possibly get married again? Of course, but I've come to understand that I need to appreciate the opportunities and stage of life that I'm in now and not wishing it would be different. I can honestly say that right now I wouldn't want my life to be any different than it is right now and that feels amazing.
About a week into my no dating life I get a text out of the blue from a guy I met on Tinder. We actually had set up to go on a date a few months before and the day of he didn't text me until 10 pm that night. Because of that I just assumed he was after one thing and so I didn't respond and he never text me again. I told him what I was feeling and why I didn't text him back that night and he said that he wasn't about that and he really did want to go out and get to know me. Like a sucker I fell for it. Long story short we went out a couple of times, he kept telling me how interested he was in me and how he wanted to be exclusive. And then it happened...again. He ghosted me too! It started out with him just cancelling plans on me and then finally I told him I was fed up with his actions and that I was done. Never heard back from him. I have officially lost faith in the population of single men. There are many things that I don't understand about this new phenomenon of ghosting and if someone does then please enlighten me!
I think it's obvious that my resolve to not date was renewed. This incident happened over a month ago and so far, so good. This is the longest I have not dated since I started dating a year ago and it's been soooo nice! Do I get lonely sometimes? Sure I do but I love doing whatever the heck I want on the days that I don't have my kids. I love that I'm not distracted while cooking dinner, getting my kids to bed, or anything else because I'm texting some guy. I can focus all my attention on the things that deserve it. I'm learning to love and appreciate this season of my life. Would I be willing to meet someone special and possibly get married again? Of course, but I've come to understand that I need to appreciate the opportunities and stage of life that I'm in now and not wishing it would be different. I can honestly say that right now I wouldn't want my life to be any different than it is right now and that feels amazing.
Saturday, April 23, 2016
Ghosted
Sorry that I've been a little MIA from the dating posts. I wrote a post about the starting of a relationship that I had over last summer. I struggled to know and feel if I should continue the story. After more time and distance away from this person I have decided not to continue with it. It will forever be a part of me, no matter how I wish differently but I'm not going to give any more attention towards the toxic person that was a part of my life at that time. Yeah, it was pretty bad. While I have no problem talking about it one on one with someone, I'm not going to do it so publicly. So with that being said, I'm moving onward and upward.
After that relationship ended I got back to dating full force. Through the apps of Tinder and Plenty of Fish (POF) I met and dated A LOT of guys. One weekend I had three dates with three different guys lined up. Some were great but sadly mostly were not. This post is going to focus on a relationship that I had with a guy named Matt. I met Matt on POF. He was 38, divorced father of 4, and lived in Ogden. Soon after meeting and chatting for a little bit he asked me out on a date. I was unable to go because I had my kids at the time but we continued to keep in touch with talk that eventually we would go out. One day we were talking of our dating struggles and he said to me that he hoped that one day I would find a great guy because I deserved to. I was confused because it seemed like he was giving me the brush off. Um, what happened to maybe going out? Did he not think that possibly he could be that guy? So I asked him what was going on and he told me that he just started dating another girl but hoped to still keep in touch with me as friends. I was a little bummed but ultimately I was okay with it. After that we would send the occasional text to each other to keep in touch and then one day out of the blue he asked me if I wanted to go out on a date. Uhh, what about your girlfriend? He said that him and the other girl had been moving very fast and wasn't sure about things and couldn't stop having "what if" thoughts about me.Our plan was to go out to dinner but a couple of hours before our date he called me embarrassed that he needed to change plans. Money was tight for him and he just paid all his bills and had no money for a night out so he asked if it would be okay if he made me dinner at his house. He kept apologizing and said that he hoped I didn't think he had ulterior motives. I really could hear the sincerity in his voice and it was quite sweet. The night went great and we really hit it off and we had great conversation and chemistry. But there was one slightly bizarre thing. He had been married twice before and we all had one thing in common. We all shared the name Kristin. Weird, right!? I liked him so much and he seemed to possess all the qualities that I wanted, responsible, considerate, respectful, kind, active member of the church, good looking, and a good kisser ;) So I was willing to overlook this. After our date we would have long conversations on the phone every day and spent any spare time we had together. Things were going so well and he asked if I wanted to be exclusive with him. I was totally on board with that! I had also been seeing a guy on and off (more about him in another post) for a couple of months and so I had to let him know I wouldn't be able to see him anymore.
Things were going great. One night after talking on the phone he sent me a sweet text. In it he said that before he hangs up the phone he's so tempted to say something but fears that it would be too soon. Then after that he did say the words that he did love me. It was a bit quick for me and I told him so but that it made me happy to hear him say it and that my feelings were definitely headed in that direction. After that whenever he referenced the future he always included me in it. In all appearances it seemed like we possibly had a good long-term relationship ahead of us. One weekend that my kids were at their dad's we spent every minute we could together. On Sunday we went to our separate wards but after our meetings I went to his house before I picked up my kids. Everything seemed to be okay, nothing out of the ordinary. Although, there was a little bit of awkwardness when we were saying goodbye. After I left I thought to myself that next time I talk to him I was going to bring it up to clear the air and make sure everything was okay. I text him that night to tell him I got home safe but he didn't respond. I didn't think too much of it because he goes to bed early for his job and thought that he was probably asleep. I text him again the next morning wishing him a good morning. Still no response but thought maybe he was just busy at work. After I got off of work I called him. It rang twice and then went to voicemail. Did he just decline my call!? Maybe he was on the other line talking to someone...? I called him again later and same thing, he declined my call again! If I didn't know better I would think that he was purposely ignoring me, but why? I also had the thought that maybe something happened to him. He did complain of feeling sick through out the weekend. Just to rule out that possibility I decided to drive to his house (a little weird and stalker-ish, right?) and see if he was okay. I got to his house and saw that his car was in the driveway. I rang the doorbell and knocked and knocked but no answer. Again, I thought maybe he could be asleep because it was kind of late. You can unlock his door by putting in a pass code and he had given me the code before. So I put in the code (even more stalker-ish, right?) and it didn't work. He changed the frickin' code!! At that moment I knew for sure that he was shutting me out and I was crushed...and then I got mad, really mad. I spent the ride home sad and crying in one moment and then angry and yelling in another. I sent him some not so nice texts and called him some not so nice things. What kind of douche bag does a thing like that!? Did I not deserve the respect for him to tell me what was going on? I understand if his feelings changed about me but why couldn't he have the balls to tell me?! In the following days I continued to go through feelings of sadness and anger and also confusion. I never did hear from him. Although, I did get a text from him a couple weeks ago asking how I was. I text him back asking if he meant to text me. After all, he has at least two other Kristins in his phone. Haha! He never responded to that text either...
Anyway, in hindsight I'm glad that things didn't work out. There were little things that bothered me about him but like I said, he had all the big qualities that I wanted so I was going to overlook them. But would the little things have turned into big things? Were they red flags for bigger problems ahead? Who knows and frankly at this point who cares? It just baffles me that someone at his age can have that immaturity but I will unfortunately later come to find out that there is a term for this behavior. It's called "ghosting" and he is not alone in doing it... Ahhh, the joys of dating!
After that relationship ended I got back to dating full force. Through the apps of Tinder and Plenty of Fish (POF) I met and dated A LOT of guys. One weekend I had three dates with three different guys lined up. Some were great but sadly mostly were not. This post is going to focus on a relationship that I had with a guy named Matt. I met Matt on POF. He was 38, divorced father of 4, and lived in Ogden. Soon after meeting and chatting for a little bit he asked me out on a date. I was unable to go because I had my kids at the time but we continued to keep in touch with talk that eventually we would go out. One day we were talking of our dating struggles and he said to me that he hoped that one day I would find a great guy because I deserved to. I was confused because it seemed like he was giving me the brush off. Um, what happened to maybe going out? Did he not think that possibly he could be that guy? So I asked him what was going on and he told me that he just started dating another girl but hoped to still keep in touch with me as friends. I was a little bummed but ultimately I was okay with it. After that we would send the occasional text to each other to keep in touch and then one day out of the blue he asked me if I wanted to go out on a date. Uhh, what about your girlfriend? He said that him and the other girl had been moving very fast and wasn't sure about things and couldn't stop having "what if" thoughts about me.Our plan was to go out to dinner but a couple of hours before our date he called me embarrassed that he needed to change plans. Money was tight for him and he just paid all his bills and had no money for a night out so he asked if it would be okay if he made me dinner at his house. He kept apologizing and said that he hoped I didn't think he had ulterior motives. I really could hear the sincerity in his voice and it was quite sweet. The night went great and we really hit it off and we had great conversation and chemistry. But there was one slightly bizarre thing. He had been married twice before and we all had one thing in common. We all shared the name Kristin. Weird, right!? I liked him so much and he seemed to possess all the qualities that I wanted, responsible, considerate, respectful, kind, active member of the church, good looking, and a good kisser ;) So I was willing to overlook this. After our date we would have long conversations on the phone every day and spent any spare time we had together. Things were going so well and he asked if I wanted to be exclusive with him. I was totally on board with that! I had also been seeing a guy on and off (more about him in another post) for a couple of months and so I had to let him know I wouldn't be able to see him anymore.
Things were going great. One night after talking on the phone he sent me a sweet text. In it he said that before he hangs up the phone he's so tempted to say something but fears that it would be too soon. Then after that he did say the words that he did love me. It was a bit quick for me and I told him so but that it made me happy to hear him say it and that my feelings were definitely headed in that direction. After that whenever he referenced the future he always included me in it. In all appearances it seemed like we possibly had a good long-term relationship ahead of us. One weekend that my kids were at their dad's we spent every minute we could together. On Sunday we went to our separate wards but after our meetings I went to his house before I picked up my kids. Everything seemed to be okay, nothing out of the ordinary. Although, there was a little bit of awkwardness when we were saying goodbye. After I left I thought to myself that next time I talk to him I was going to bring it up to clear the air and make sure everything was okay. I text him that night to tell him I got home safe but he didn't respond. I didn't think too much of it because he goes to bed early for his job and thought that he was probably asleep. I text him again the next morning wishing him a good morning. Still no response but thought maybe he was just busy at work. After I got off of work I called him. It rang twice and then went to voicemail. Did he just decline my call!? Maybe he was on the other line talking to someone...? I called him again later and same thing, he declined my call again! If I didn't know better I would think that he was purposely ignoring me, but why? I also had the thought that maybe something happened to him. He did complain of feeling sick through out the weekend. Just to rule out that possibility I decided to drive to his house (a little weird and stalker-ish, right?) and see if he was okay. I got to his house and saw that his car was in the driveway. I rang the doorbell and knocked and knocked but no answer. Again, I thought maybe he could be asleep because it was kind of late. You can unlock his door by putting in a pass code and he had given me the code before. So I put in the code (even more stalker-ish, right?) and it didn't work. He changed the frickin' code!! At that moment I knew for sure that he was shutting me out and I was crushed...and then I got mad, really mad. I spent the ride home sad and crying in one moment and then angry and yelling in another. I sent him some not so nice texts and called him some not so nice things. What kind of douche bag does a thing like that!? Did I not deserve the respect for him to tell me what was going on? I understand if his feelings changed about me but why couldn't he have the balls to tell me?! In the following days I continued to go through feelings of sadness and anger and also confusion. I never did hear from him. Although, I did get a text from him a couple weeks ago asking how I was. I text him back asking if he meant to text me. After all, he has at least two other Kristins in his phone. Haha! He never responded to that text either...
Anyway, in hindsight I'm glad that things didn't work out. There were little things that bothered me about him but like I said, he had all the big qualities that I wanted so I was going to overlook them. But would the little things have turned into big things? Were they red flags for bigger problems ahead? Who knows and frankly at this point who cares? It just baffles me that someone at his age can have that immaturity but I will unfortunately later come to find out that there is a term for this behavior. It's called "ghosting" and he is not alone in doing it... Ahhh, the joys of dating!
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