When I was single the first time around I was a little boy crazy. Okay, a lot boy crazy! My college journal was filled with things about boys. I'm seriously tempted to burn them all. I'm so, so very glad that social media was not around back then. I would have never got anything done at all.
This time around I'm a little wiser, more mature but boy do I still enjoy checking guys out. A perk to being divorced is that I can look...and then keep looking. The internet has provided a lot of wonderful things and one of these is how one of my favorite bloggers put it best, people shopping in the form of online dating. This is whole new territory for me. It was starting to gain popularity before I got married but it's in full swing now. My initial thought was that it wasn't for me, I wasn't that desperate. But finding a guy in Brigham poses some challenges, mainly the lack of opportunity to meet single guys my age. So where is a great place to meet them? Online dating, of course!
My first choice was to go with ldssingles.com. Seemed like a great place to start. It's key for me to find someone of my own religion since we already know how they other way turned out. I've been on the site for a few months and how many guys have actually contacted me? Oh about 4, that's it.... You can hear crickets on this sight. Not the results I was looking for. I was bored.
So my next choice was an app that I heard a lot about and knew it would be anything but boring. In fact I knew and expected it to be downright entertaining. We're talking about Tinder. Dun, dun, dun! Tinder is a little bit different in that it shows you profiles of guys one by one and you can choose to like them or dislike them. If you and a guy like each other's profiles then you're a match and you can message each other. Fun right! People shopping at it's finest. Tinder has a reputation of being an app where people use it solely for hooking up. I thought, well there's gotta be a few guys on here for something more. You never know unless you try it, right? Well people, I want to keep this blog PG so I'm unable to share any of my exchanges I've had through this app. Yeah, it was that bad.
So far I had two strikes and I didn't want any more. A fellow single gal suggested I try a different app called Plenty of Fish or POF. Within an hour of creating my profile I had multiple guys sending me messages. What?! Guys actually wanting to talk? Already things were looking up. There were a couple of guys right off the bat where our conversations were progressing and already asking if we could meet up. How exciting! Prospects of getting back in the dating game! I was excited and nervous at the same time. I mean it had been 10 years since I've had a first date.
And then it happened... a guy asked me out. He asked if I liked to country swing. I used to do it back in the day and hadn't done it in years but I'm trying to take up things that I used to enjoy doing so I said yes. He then asked me if I'd like to go dancing with him. Woah, let the anxiety begin. So he gave me his address so we could meet up. Naturally I assumed we were going to meet at his house and then drive together to wherever we were going for dancing. I got to his house and went inside and then something very weird happened. I realized that he didn't intend to go anywhere, he wanted to dance right there in his living room. Hahahaha! He even moved furniture so that we'd have room. I was really trying not to let my shock show and I was a very good sport and went along with it. So yep, my first date back in the game was country swing in a guys living room. The stuff of every girl's fantasy. Once we got into it it was fun and the dancing came back to me and I actually wasn't that bad. At least I didn't think I was, he may have thought differently. After we danced for a little while we decided to watch a movie but it also gave us a chance to talk. He was also divorced, married for the same amount of time I was and had three children. He just finished getting his 2nd masters degree. He was actually a very interesting person. Funny thing is that he's not LDS but his ex-wife was. Just like me, he didn't want to repeat that situation so we mutually decided to have that be our first and last date.
After I got home from that "date" I was texting this other guy. I really enjoyed talking to him because he made me laugh a lot. After texting back and forth for an hour it was late and I told him I was going to bed. Finally, he asked me if I wanted to get together the next day. Two dates in two days!? What was happening! We made plans to meet up at the park and go for a walk. I liked this idea because it was very relaxed and different. We made tentative plans to meet up . We both had family things and would contact each other when we were able to actually meet. Well, apparently he went to Salt Lake with his family and his car broke down there and he was planning to take the train home. Texted him a couple of times after that to get an idea of when he was going to get back and got no response. Finally, hours after we were initially supposed to get together he texts me back and says his phone died and he just got home. Hmmm..not sure about his story but we cancelled our plans and haven't rescheduled them. Ehh..
Oh, and I almost forgot! I was talking with this other guy and he seemed very sweet and nice and we were talking about possibly getting together. And then things got weird. He started talking about how he would give me foot massages and then asked what kind of shoes I like to wear. Next he was asking if I'd send him pictures of me wearing said shoes. If I didn't know any better I would think this guy had a foot/shoe fetish. So I flat out asked him and he admitted it. Bahahaha! At that moment I wasn't comfortable being part of any guy's fantasies, feet or not and so that was the end of that.
So to say the least my experiences back in the dating field have been quite interesting. I can't wait to see what else is in store...Errr, I think ;)
Tuesday, May 26, 2015
Saturday, May 16, 2015
I Don't Wanna
There were two times in my life where I knew I needed to do something but I really, really didn't want to do it. But in the end it ended up being the best things to happen in my life.
The first time it was to have a 4th child. After Melia was born I WAS DONE! Nothing could convince me that I was going to have another baby. I was for sure that I had hit my limit. I did a pretty good job of convincing myself of this for about a year and a half. And then they came...those little twinges of longing, longing to be pregnant again to hold and feed a newborn, to have one of my own. I would quickly dismiss these feelings and tell myself that all women feel this way, even though they don't really want another baby. They started coming more frequently and stronger. Still I told myself it wasn't what I really wanted. Then I had an experience that I couldn't deny what was supposed to happen. I was reading my cousin, Brittany's blog. She just had an adorable baby boy named Max and put up a picture of him. I still remember the picture vividly. He was lying down on the floor in a room filled with sunlight wearing a plain white onsie. His blue eyes were looking directly into the camera and as I stared into his eyes I heard a distinct voice say to me, "You are not done. There is another waiting for you,". I immediately burst into tears. I knew that I was going to have another baby. After that, how could I deny it any longer? So Brittany if you're reading this then it's all your fault and thank you ;) Many of you know what happened after that; incompetent cervix, bed rest, broken water, hospital bed rest, baby Isabella born at 27 weeks weighing only 1 lb 15 oz, 70 day stay in the NICU, lot of tears, fear, joy, and happiness. I wouldn't trade it for anything the world.
The second time was my divorce. I don't believe that many people get married with the intentions of getting a divorce later. I for sure wasn't one of them, I was in it for the long haul. I knew it was going to be difficult because it's marriage and because of our many differences but I was committed to make it work. I worked really hard. Sometimes I tried harder than others and was I a perfect wife? No, definitely not. There were things I could have done better or differently but for the most part I tried, not wanting to give up. But there came a point where I looked around and I knew it had to happen. It's not what I really wanted. Sure, there was a part of me that wanted it just like I wanted another baby but not really, really. Not yet at least. It's difficult for me to know what to share about my marriage so you can understand but I don't want to share too much. Some things aren't meant for public knowledge. I still love Daniel, like I would a dear friend so I want to respect him. All things aside, he's a good person but Daniel has his demons like we all do and most stem from traumatic events in his childhood and the effect of those he's carried into his relationships in adulthood. There were things that were happening that were out of my control. All I could control was my reaction to them. I compromised and put myself into the corner a lot. I took a lot of hits (don't freak out, not physically). My wake up call was thinking that I didn't want my daughters to have a husband like him and I didn't want my son to be a husband like him. We did NOT have a marriage that I wanted my children to emulate in any way. And there was that a voice again. This time it said, "Well, if you think that and don't want that for your children then what does Heavenly Father think about you? What does He want for you,". This set off a series of thoughts and actions where our marriage ended after 9 1/2 years.
I know I left a lot of gaps between my realization that divorce needed to happen to the papers actually being signed but I plan to touch on those areas through out the writings of this new blog. So if you made it this far then welcome! I thought it would be fun to write about this new chapter in my life. It's kind of a big transition to go from being a stay-at-home mom and wife of 9 years to a 30-something, single working mom. A lot has changed since I was last single. Two words: social media. Come join me on my ride so you can cry and laugh along with me and watch me love life come what may!
P.S. I wanted to use the word journey instead of ride but doesn't that seem a little too much The Bachelor-ish?
The first time it was to have a 4th child. After Melia was born I WAS DONE! Nothing could convince me that I was going to have another baby. I was for sure that I had hit my limit. I did a pretty good job of convincing myself of this for about a year and a half. And then they came...those little twinges of longing, longing to be pregnant again to hold and feed a newborn, to have one of my own. I would quickly dismiss these feelings and tell myself that all women feel this way, even though they don't really want another baby. They started coming more frequently and stronger. Still I told myself it wasn't what I really wanted. Then I had an experience that I couldn't deny what was supposed to happen. I was reading my cousin, Brittany's blog. She just had an adorable baby boy named Max and put up a picture of him. I still remember the picture vividly. He was lying down on the floor in a room filled with sunlight wearing a plain white onsie. His blue eyes were looking directly into the camera and as I stared into his eyes I heard a distinct voice say to me, "You are not done. There is another waiting for you,". I immediately burst into tears. I knew that I was going to have another baby. After that, how could I deny it any longer? So Brittany if you're reading this then it's all your fault and thank you ;) Many of you know what happened after that; incompetent cervix, bed rest, broken water, hospital bed rest, baby Isabella born at 27 weeks weighing only 1 lb 15 oz, 70 day stay in the NICU, lot of tears, fear, joy, and happiness. I wouldn't trade it for anything the world.
The second time was my divorce. I don't believe that many people get married with the intentions of getting a divorce later. I for sure wasn't one of them, I was in it for the long haul. I knew it was going to be difficult because it's marriage and because of our many differences but I was committed to make it work. I worked really hard. Sometimes I tried harder than others and was I a perfect wife? No, definitely not. There were things I could have done better or differently but for the most part I tried, not wanting to give up. But there came a point where I looked around and I knew it had to happen. It's not what I really wanted. Sure, there was a part of me that wanted it just like I wanted another baby but not really, really. Not yet at least. It's difficult for me to know what to share about my marriage so you can understand but I don't want to share too much. Some things aren't meant for public knowledge. I still love Daniel, like I would a dear friend so I want to respect him. All things aside, he's a good person but Daniel has his demons like we all do and most stem from traumatic events in his childhood and the effect of those he's carried into his relationships in adulthood. There were things that were happening that were out of my control. All I could control was my reaction to them. I compromised and put myself into the corner a lot. I took a lot of hits (don't freak out, not physically). My wake up call was thinking that I didn't want my daughters to have a husband like him and I didn't want my son to be a husband like him. We did NOT have a marriage that I wanted my children to emulate in any way. And there was that a voice again. This time it said, "Well, if you think that and don't want that for your children then what does Heavenly Father think about you? What does He want for you,". This set off a series of thoughts and actions where our marriage ended after 9 1/2 years.
I know I left a lot of gaps between my realization that divorce needed to happen to the papers actually being signed but I plan to touch on those areas through out the writings of this new blog. So if you made it this far then welcome! I thought it would be fun to write about this new chapter in my life. It's kind of a big transition to go from being a stay-at-home mom and wife of 9 years to a 30-something, single working mom. A lot has changed since I was last single. Two words: social media. Come join me on my ride so you can cry and laugh along with me and watch me love life come what may!
P.S. I wanted to use the word journey instead of ride but doesn't that seem a little too much The Bachelor-ish?
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