Dating Friends

Not every Tinder and POF encounter has been disastrous. I actually have made a few friends. But I have been unsure how to write this next post. For one, the story is still ongoing and I don't know where it's headed and second, the guy involved is the brother of one of my friends. I'll refer to him as "Wesley Johnson" because my friend, his sister, still doesn't know about us. 

I met Wesley on POF almost exactly a year ago. I was browsing on the site and I came across his picture and I recognized him. I clicked on his profile and looked at the rest of his pictures and knew that he was my friend's brother. I messaged him asking if he was a Johnson. He replied skeptically, like wondering how I knew that. I explained that I was friends with his sister and he asked what my full name was. I told him and then he promptly replied that he didn't know who I was. Haha. I didn't expect him to so my feelings weren't hurt. We messaged back and forth a little bit with the standard get-to-know-you questions and then soon after I started a relationship with someone else and so we lost touch. After that relationship ended I went on Tinder again and came across Wesley's profile and I swiped right and we matched!

We picked up where we left off but this time with more serious intentions of actually getting together. I asked him what kind of girl he was looking for (we met on a dating app so obviously he's looking for something). He told me and I knew right away I wasn't the girl for him. I didn't exactly match his criteria. I was straightforward with him and told him that I wasn't a good match for what he was looking for, taking the chance that goodbye would be soon to follow. But he then said that he's sure we had some things in common and was still interested in going out even if nothing more than just friends. I wasn't looking for anything serious at the time and neither was he so this was perfect.

We finally set up a "date" and went and got sushi. I had never had it before but always wanted to try it. To my surprise (because I don't like fish) I ended up loving it! We were going to go to a movie too but there wasn't anything that either of us wanted to see so we went back to his place and picked one to watch from his extensive collection. It was a pretty fun night. We were really comfortable and relaxed with one another. We talked and laughed a lot. Things were easy between us and we just knew that it wasn't going to be the one and only time we saw each other.

Seasons

After my disastrous relationship and break up with Matt I decided I had had enough. No more dating! I recognized that it was starting to become a distraction in my life and taking attention away from things, including my kids. I decided to just to focus on the relationships with myself, my family, and my friends. And no more drama! I deleted all my accounts on the dating apps and it was a great decision. Now let me clarify, if some guy should happen to cross my path and ask me out on a date I would probably say yes but no longer would I go out searching. Living in Brigham though means I really would not be dating. 

About a week into my no dating life I get a text out of the blue from a guy I met on Tinder. We actually had set up to go on a date a few months before and the day of he didn't text me until 10 pm that night. Because of that I just assumed he was after one thing and so I didn't respond and he never text me again. I told him what I was feeling and why I didn't text him back that night and he said that he wasn't about that and he really did want to go out and get to know me. Like a sucker I fell for it. Long story short we went out a couple of times, he kept telling me how interested he was in me and how he wanted to be exclusive. And then it happened...again. He ghosted me too! It started out with him just cancelling plans on me and then finally I told him I was fed up with his actions and that I was done. Never heard back from him. I have officially lost faith in the population of single men. There are many things that I don't understand about this new phenomenon of ghosting and if someone does then please enlighten me!

I think it's obvious that my resolve to not date was renewed.  This incident happened over a month ago and so far, so good. This is the longest I have not dated since I started dating a year ago and it's been soooo nice! Do I get lonely sometimes? Sure I do but I love doing whatever the heck I want on the days that I don't have my kids. I love that I'm not distracted while cooking dinner, getting my kids to bed, or anything else because I'm texting some guy. I can focus all my attention on the things that deserve it. I'm learning to love and appreciate this season of my life. Would I be willing to meet someone special and possibly get married again? Of course, but I've come to understand that I need to appreciate the opportunities and stage of life that I'm in now and not wishing it would be different. I can honestly say that right now I wouldn't want my life to be any different than it is right now and that feels amazing.

Ghosted

Sorry that I've been a little MIA from the dating posts. I wrote a post about the starting of a relationship that I had over last summer. I struggled to know and feel if I should continue the story. After more time and distance away from this person I have decided not to continue with it. It will forever be a part of me, no matter how I wish differently but I'm not going to give any more attention towards the toxic person that was a part of my life at that time. Yeah, it was pretty bad. While I have no problem talking about it one on one with someone, I'm not going to do it so publicly. So with that being said, I'm moving onward and upward.

After that relationship ended I got back to dating full force. Through the apps of Tinder and Plenty of Fish (POF) I met and dated A LOT of guys. One weekend I had three dates with three different guys lined up. Some were great but sadly mostly were not. This post is going to focus on a relationship that I had with a guy named Matt. I met Matt on POF. He was 38, divorced father of 4, and lived in Ogden. Soon after meeting and chatting for a little bit he asked me out on a date. I was unable to go because I had my kids at the time but we continued to keep in touch with talk that eventually we would go out. One day we were talking of our dating struggles and he said to me that he hoped that one day I would find a great guy because I deserved to. I was confused because it seemed like he was giving me the brush off. Um, what happened to maybe going out? Did he not think that possibly he could be that guy? So I asked him what was going on and he told me that he just started dating another girl but hoped to still keep in touch with me as friends. I was a little bummed but ultimately I was okay with it. After that we would send the occasional text to each other to keep in touch and then one day out of the blue he asked me if I wanted to go out on a date. Uhh, what about your girlfriend? He said that him and the other girl had been moving very fast and wasn't sure about things and couldn't stop having "what if" thoughts about me.Our plan was to go out to dinner but a couple of hours before our date he called me embarrassed that he needed to change plans. Money was tight for him and he just paid all his bills and had no money for a night out so he asked if it would be okay if he made me dinner at his house. He kept apologizing and said that he hoped I didn't think he had ulterior motives. I really could hear the sincerity in his voice and it was quite sweet. The night went great and we really hit it off and we had great conversation and chemistry. But there was one slightly bizarre thing. He had been married twice before and we all had one thing in common. We all shared the name Kristin. Weird, right!? I liked him so much and he seemed to possess all the qualities that I wanted, responsible, considerate, respectful, kind, active member of the church, good looking, and a good kisser ;) So I was willing to overlook this. After our date we would have long conversations on the phone every day and spent any spare time we had together. Things were going so well and he asked if I wanted to be exclusive with him. I was totally on board with that! I had also been seeing a guy on and off (more about him in another post) for a couple of months and so I had to let him know I wouldn't be able to see him anymore.

Things were going great. One night after talking on the phone he sent me a sweet text. In it he said that before he hangs up the phone he's so tempted to say something but fears that it would be too soon. Then after that he did say the words that he did love me. It was a bit quick for me and I told him so but that it made me happy to hear him say it and that my feelings were definitely headed in that direction. After that whenever he referenced the future he always included me in it. In all appearances it seemed like we possibly had a good long-term relationship ahead of us. One weekend that my kids were at their dad's we spent every minute we could together. On Sunday we went to our separate wards but after our meetings I went to his house before I picked up my kids. Everything seemed to be okay, nothing out of the ordinary. Although, there was a little bit of awkwardness when we were saying goodbye. After I left I thought to myself that next time I talk to him I was going to bring it up to clear the air and make sure everything was okay. I text him that night to tell him I got home safe but he didn't respond. I didn't think too much of it because he goes to bed early for his job and thought that he was probably asleep. I text him again the next morning wishing him a good morning. Still no response but thought maybe he was just busy at work. After I got off of work I called him. It rang twice and then went to voicemail. Did he just decline my call!? Maybe he was on the other line talking to someone...? I called him again later and same thing, he declined my call again! If I didn't know better I would think that he was purposely ignoring me, but why? I also had the thought that maybe something happened to him. He did complain of feeling sick through out the weekend. Just to rule out that possibility I decided to drive to his house (a little weird and stalker-ish, right?) and see if he was okay. I got to his house and saw that his car was in the driveway. I rang the doorbell and knocked and knocked but no answer. Again, I thought maybe he could be asleep because it was kind of late. You can unlock his door by putting in a pass code and he had given me the code before. So I put in the code (even more stalker-ish, right?) and it didn't work. He changed the frickin' code!!  At that moment I knew for sure that he was shutting me out and I was crushed...and then I got mad, really mad. I spent the ride home sad and crying in one moment and then angry and yelling in another. I sent him some not so nice texts and called him some not so nice things. What kind of douche bag does a thing like that!? Did I not deserve the respect for him to tell me what was going on? I understand if his feelings changed about me but why couldn't he have the balls to tell me?! In the following days I continued to go through feelings of sadness and anger and also confusion. I never did hear from him. Although, I did get a text from him a couple weeks ago asking how I was. I text him back asking if he meant to text me. After all, he has at least two other Kristins in his phone. Haha! He never responded to that text either...

Anyway, in hindsight I'm glad that things didn't work out. There were little things that bothered me about him but like I said, he had all the big qualities that I wanted so I was going to overlook them. But would the little things have turned into big things? Were they red flags for bigger problems ahead? Who knows and frankly at this point who cares? It just baffles me that someone at his age can have that immaturity but I will unfortunately later come to find out that there is a term for this behavior. It's called "ghosting" and he is not alone in doing it... Ahhh, the joys of dating!